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April 11th, 2007
11:19 am
i will forever from here on out rsvp to absolutely everything that i get that requests one.
i'm ready to move on in the world of jobs. so, if anyone has any ideas, feel free to share them with me. i'm taking suggestions. granted, i'm supposedly getting a raise any day now. a significant one. but, i look around and think, there is no job here that is capable of actually making me happy by utilizing my strengths and achieving what i want to. hmph.
i keep thinking that i would like to write something. after which, my immediate thought is, write what? and really, if you're going to write something, it better be good, not just ok. there is enough material out there already by people who are taking a stab at things and the result just ends up being typical and banal. and i would hate to be that while thinking that i am something else altogether.
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March 9th, 2007
01:18 pm
"things aren't always as tangible and sayable as people would usually have us believe..."
rilke
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March 2nd, 2007
03:50 pm - pissed off.
i'm becoming more sensitive. and it pisses me off sometimes. like today at work.
i realized i've become one of those people who knows just enough to be dangerous to herself and those around her. not enough to actually get things done right. but too much to actually realize how ignorant she is till it is pointed out. several times. by other people.
thanks.
and only ipod makes me feel better today.
ipod with Bobbie O'conner music in it.
(sigh)
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January 2nd, 2007
10:34 pm
there are such deceitful people in the world. i used to wonder why they behaved the way that they do. why do they lie and betray and deceive? well, today i have realized they do thusly because they get what they want. and they get away with what they want. i would be enraged to know that a co-worker slandered my name all over the office, except that i know my character to be stronger than his and those around me would not be too influenced by his empty and ignorant words. but it angers me that he will get away with his deceit again and again.
i dislike the adults.
what happened? at what point did i grow up?
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December 9th, 2006
12:34 am - i've been tagged!
Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits about themselves. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 6 people to tag.
1. I don't like sweet things as much as i used to. not to say that i don't still like them; it's just that if i've just eaten, i don't have to have dessert. if i'm full, i don't like shoving in cake too.
2. i refuse to buy diamonds. and not because of that dicaprio movie. i decided this long ago. they aren't actually as precious as everyone thinks they are. people die because of them all the time. and really, we just like them because they're pretty and faux diamonds are just as pretty and less expensive.
3. i am incredibly easy to startle. (bobbie knows this well;) ) i don't know why, but it doesn't take much. anything unexpected can cause a shriek to emerge from me. or, apparently, a cry of "Oh, Golly!" seriously, i think i am the only person in this century to actually exclaim "Golly" with sincerity. sometimes, i scarcely know myself.
4. when i go to restarants, it is assumed that i will not be able to finish my meal. hence, i immediatley size up what i've ordered and determine which part of it will be best enjoyed a second time around. i then eat strategically to save the part that can be reheated well for another meal.
5. i love it when the bedroom is chilly and i get to heap lots of blankets on the bed and snuggle up underneath them. but i hate being cold all the time. like i am work. everyday.
6. i hardly ever (almost never) order lasagna at a restarant. it can not be trusted. no one is better than gramma wees. and i'd rather eat it not at all than have a second rate imitation.
7. i would plan my wedding according to a pantone book if it wouldn't be so difficult.
8. i don't fear heights, water, crowds, small spaces, germs, or giving public addresses. i can handle all these things ease and delight. i fear mundacity more than anything though. it makes me anxious.
9. i struggle with making habits. the only thing that i'm actually disciplined enough to do every day is shower, wash and brush my teeth.
10. most of the dreams i actually remember have to do with something or someone chasing me or me running from someone/something. rarely do they actually catch me, but neither do i ever actually reach safety in the dream. i always wake up before i can get away completely.
Now i tag Anya, jessie, kari, p.landis blair, rachel, and peter c. (aka breakfast)
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/smile.gif) chipper
Current Music: 88.9 streaming
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December 5th, 2006
07:33 pm
listenind to ben folds sing sadly "the Luckiest" and thinking about a strange dream i had last night that caused me to wake up thinking that it was symbolic and i should write it down. sleep was more important at the time though, so i didn't. and i still haven't. the more i think about, the more i think no one else would understand why i find it interesting. but that's the way dreams are. no one enjoys a dream as much as the dreamer because everyone else is ensconced in their own reality different from your own.
i hate the way a lovely song will end on the radio and instead of a well placed moment of silence to transition away from its delicate ending, the radio station goes straight to an annoying commercial that makes me grit my teeth in disdain. blech.
however, i love tuesday nights at chic-fil-a where anyone can get a $1 kids meal if they're willing to sit inside with all the kiddies.
still working on that whole discipline thing. how 'bout you? last night a 3 year old recited all the fruits of the spirit to me. i can't do that myself. children have minds like sponges and it makes me jealous. i'm sure that mine absorbed lots of things when i was a kid too. unfortunately, i no longer recall what they were. sad.
watched part of the billboard music awards last night. have we really reduced life down to sex ? seriously people, is that the best there is out there? is it really worth all that fixation? i realize this is spoken with all the fervency of a niave virgin, but still. there is more to us than that. isn't there?
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/sad.gif) cold
Current Music: ben folds
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November 16th, 2006
11:41 pm - let's just say...
i actually want to do a good job at work. but my job is contingent on others doing their jobs as well. this is what some refer to as a team. the team however, is really a mythical concept because so few can actually pull off the team initiative. we are supposed to work as one to for the common good to complete a task. this rarely happens though because really, each member of said team actually only looks out for self. so put together a bunch of selves, and what is there....? not a well oiled machine.
let me tell you. i am so over this defunct system of order. and i thought (again) today " i have no idea why i am here. " not that i don't like it. not that i hate what i'm doing. i like these crazy people i work with. and printing is interesting.
but seriously.
i dont know what i'm doing.
and then the Talking Heads song "How did i get here?" pops into my head...
and i move on.
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November 14th, 2006
05:53 pm
work for me is either annoyingly frantic and dramatic or incredibly slow. lately, it's been on the slow side. so i use my time to research stuff for the wedding and read articles and find out what movie i want to watch next. this makes me feel guilty bc really, what am i doing? i'm updating my lj. but my boss is gone and i just am not sure what i should be doing with myself bc there really isn't much going on in my world in general so i return to reading stanley hauerwas articles and listending to the MSU student station via the internet. i find myself wondering what i am doing sometimes.
i feel like i don't know how to say what i want to say anymore. attempts at eloquence end up sounding banal and cheap. i would like to go back to school sometimes but i think that more than anything it would just be to feed my ego. make me feel better. and is that really worth $20,000? methinks not bc i don't know what i would do with any of it.
discipline taunts me. my self control is not what it used to be. we slip away by tiny increments. slowly. slowly. slowly. until the person we're looking at doesn't know us anymore and more so, we don't know them. i hate that. i want to be able to look my freind in the eye and not be awkward and not see veiled disapproval looking back at me.
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November 10th, 2006
12:36 am - uh, whoops.
so, here's the news, kiddies...
it's true. i have a fiancee. or however that is spelled. I haven't been on lj in so long and i haven't been posting the important things of life...things like, oh yeah, i'm getting married in the not so distant future. ya see, it quickly spread all over my myspace page to such a degree that i felt like i didnt have to tell anyone bc everyone else already was. kind of odd i guess. Anyway, for those who didnt know, i've been engaged for a couple weeks now to my boyfreind of little over 8 months now. which is odd. i never thought that is would be me. so sure of something after less than a year. but i am sure of it. and oh so happy.
so, it's going to be in nashville. in april.
and it's going to be beautiful.
that is all i know thus far.
:)
details have a way of working themselves out.
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November 9th, 2006
09:13 pm - haha!
Because i am on my lunch break at work in my cubicle and no one can stop me...
YOU CAN ONLY TYPE ONE WORD NO EXPLANATIONS!
Not as easy as you may think.
1. Yourself: amazed
2. Your girlfriend/boyfriend: blessing
3. Your hair?: italian
4. Your mother?: vivacious
5. Your Father?: narcisistic
6. Your Favorite Item: ipod
7. Your dream last night: forgotten
8. Your Favorite drink: tea-ish
9. Your dream car: possessed
10. The Room You Are In: dulls-ville
11. Your Ex: non-existent
12. Your fear: mundacity!
13. What you want to be in 10 years: affective
14. Who you hung out with last night? fiancee
15. What You're Not?: convinced
16. Muffins: blueberry
17: One of Your Wish List Items: peace
18: Time: 1.09
19. The Last Thing You Did: bite
20. What You Are Wearing: comfy
21. Your Favorite Weather: autumnal
22. Your Favorite Book: miserables
23. The Last Thing You Ate: curry
24. Your Life: un-expected
25. Your Mood: thankful
26. Your body: ugh
27. What are you thinking about right now? excercise
29. What are you doing at the moment? eating
30. Your summer? different
31. Best part of your life: now
Current Location: nashville
Current Music: 88.9 the impact, streaming
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September 19th, 2006
09:07 pm
so, coke totally tastes better in italy. and i'm not crazy, you just have to trust me. but leigh totally agrees, so it is true. theres your confirmation.
also, the eiffel tower really is just that cool.
i miss sam more than i ever thought that i would. which i guess is a good thing except that i hate it. i will actually look forward to coming home, and you all know i never look forward to coming home. especially when coming from europe. so. i think that speaks volumes. and that is all shall say about that.
i wish you were here. bc if you're reading this, you would be totally welcome with leigh and i. and we would all be having a grand time together.
one story for the road...
we lost our hostel reservation somewhere between the parisian airport and termini train station in rome. big problem bc it had directions and address. we no longer had such things. however, we ended up chatting with a british girl, who in turn helped us talk to the polizia, who were no help, but did cause Ahmed, the nicest arabic italian i've ever met, to overhear and offer his help. he brought out his list of roman hotels, walked us to a map, and then walked us to our bed and breakfast. at one point i thought, he's totally going to steal our suitcase, but he didn't. he really was just that nice. and not shady at all. yeah, for ahmed. and yeah for God. bc i do believe in little interventtions.
peace out. i missyou. i love you.
i will see you soon.
:)
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August 29th, 2006
09:15 am - another day, another dollar
"People are so apt to drift along on the surface of their lives, not really seeing or hearing or feeling very much because most of the time they are little more than half alive, the rest of the time dazed, dreaming, or detached."
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July 20th, 2006
11:34 am - i have to say this...
i just have to say it. because i am struck.
i was talking to leigh and jenn last night. jenn, being in the ministry has sacrificed a great deal and has great faith. i sometimes feel like the weaker christian bc am unfamiliar with some aspects of Bethel. i easily forget the mystical parts of our religion. i cognitively think, "yes, miracles happen. yes, God speaks to people. yes, it's possible to speak in tongues," but in reality when i hear people i know talk about speaking in tongues and being spoken to from God i wonder at it. i wonder if we hear what we want to hear when we say that God is speaking to us. there are those moments when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has whispered in your ear or slapped you in the face, but i wonder at times, if we hear what we want as well.
so, when jenn said last night that 2 of the Bethel pastors prophesied over the entire group of campus ministers at the bethel office yesterday, i was skeptical. skeptical because it was planned, and i thought, "do we plan on hearing words for us from God? what if they came to a person and spoke what they thought should be said? how certain can we be that we hear what God wants us to and not what we want us to?" and i doubt. because it's easy for me. but jenn recorded her prophesy from this man she barely knows. and she typed it up and let me read it. and i knew. these were the words of a God that knew his child. these were words that jen uses, not words that this pastor would know. not things that this pastor would know. i could hear the Lord speaking in those words and they had power coming off of a computer screen as surely as they had power yesterday when they were spoken. only truth can ring so surely. i'm stunned at my disbelief. at my weakness. and my immediate response to it was a desire to hear the same words of knowing spoken over me. to hear with such certainty that God loves and knows me as well...has a plan for me as well.
what rang through that message was that God does have a destiny for us. and that many of us walk away from that destiny. we walk away because of things like disbelief, greed, fear, distraction. we walk away from destiny because we so easily lose sight and become skeptical. like i did. but what amazing hope we do have. when i read that, my eyes were opened again as if i had been dreaming for so long. and i was reminded of how great God is. how He is the only thing that can be called good. and how shameful i am of myself for so easily forgetting with my heart. remembering with my head alone.
i am shook to my core.
and it is a good thing.
Current Mood: rejuvenated
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July 18th, 2006
02:01 pm - it's a mad mad mad mad world
i find myself back at lj once again, staring at the blank blog page and trying to come up with something witty to say. except that nothing comes out, bc this is me and i choke under pressure rather than excell. that's why i go all quiet around new people. that's why i whiff when the game's on my. that's why my mind goes blank when the winning trivia question for trivial pursuit is on my shoulders. it's lame. it's true. but that's me. take it or leave it. except that today i heard the voice of my senior english teacher ringing in my ears, telling me that when you don't know what to write, you just start writing until you fall upon something worth saying...except that it tends to ring of rambling in such circumstances as these. alas.
i tire of summer. i long for autumn to get here, but first we have to make it through the sweltering month of august. summer is my least favorite time of year now. as a kid, i loved jumping in the pool at grandma's but those days are so far behind me now, that all i see when i look at the summer sun, is the potential for frizzy hair and heat waves rising off of the pavement.
oh, and it's official. leigh and i leave for italy september 16th. we fly into paris for a few days before taking a train down to italy. cinque terra here i come.
Current Mood: content
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July 5th, 2006
02:55 pm - drum roll please
the winner goes to morimoto. we had a brief stint with the name asher, but it was quickly defenestrated as a possible title for my small silver suv. hence, to follow the car's heritage we (and by we, i mean thom (who suggested it) sam, chris, leigh, and i) settled on the name morimoto. moto for short. it's more fitting. congratulations, thomas. you win a cookie.
in other news...i haven't been to a show in forever and i'm starting to get restless. also, last night i watched the movie "On the Waterfront". it's the classic film with Marlon Brando uttering those quotable words, "I coulda been a contenda! I coulda been somebody!" it was quite good and if you (ahem, bobbie) are a movie freak, you should watch it.
also, i challenge you to a game of "scene it". it is one of my favorite games from now on. top 3 totally.
peace out.
Current Location: my cubicle
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: the flaming lips
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June 28th, 2006
10:38 am - what what?
ok. so, i bought a new car, and by new i mean, a 2004 RAV4. i have yet to name it though and am taking suggestions. my one stipulation is that it can not be the name of someone i already know. . . because that would just be weird to me for some reason. don't ask why.
recently, i was walking to someone's house at night with a group of people, most of whom i only knew vaguely. while walking someone commented on it being more enjoyable if they were more in shape to which i replied, "no no. it's great and i love it. walks at night! they're the best!" or something along those lines.
(enter murphy, of murphy's law)
i walk under a tree and something falls upon my shoulder. i let out a small yelp, thinking that a bug has fallen on me. i go to brush it off and begin to panic because the bug has not fallen off. then i realize, . . . it's gooey.
BLECH! i have been pooped on.
what the heck!
i am never walking under trees at night again.
in other news. there is no other news really.
peace out.
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June 19th, 2006
01:25 pm
it's a slow day today. listening to OtR helps, but really, i'd rather be napping. shopping. cooking. watching a movie. walking at crockett park.
did i mention napping? well. whatev.
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: otr-i shall be released
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June 2nd, 2006
04:40 pm - work
so, i've been studying the lack of communication in those around me. this probably includes myself, but since i like to mostly observe, i will delude myself into thinking that i am outside of these breakdowns. why is it that there needs to exist a job for someone merely to speak for other people? i don't get it.
leigh's entire job is going to person b and speaking on behalf of person a, and then conveying that info to person c. it's ridiculous. can't we all just talk to each other?
no that would be too easy. and logical.
logic does not exist here.
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May 9th, 2006
08:49 am
We moved on sunday. monday i proceeded to work 8 hours at the office job and another 5 hours at the coffee job. blah. my body is tired. and i am dealing with the hassle of collision repair. blah. i just want to sleep for a couple days. that would be good. mmmmmm. sleep.
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May 2nd, 2006
03:23 pm - gah
the man in the cubicle next to me is driving me slowly insane.
my computer is not helping the situation.
i may need some baja burrito tonight.
this calls for desperate measures.
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lizzie_bennett's journal